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If I always feel silly and they say, “Laughter is the best medicine,” would that make me a drug dealer or an addict?

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Originally Posted by John Dohnut:
If I always feel silly and they say, “Laughter is the best medicine,” would that make me a drug dealer or an addict?

That would make you Charley Sheen! LOL

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Think I will write a book titled, Lamentations of a Bulimic Book Worm.

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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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When I was bent over the table with a finger probing my prostate the thought came to me, "I think my Dentist is gay!"

he told me he had to do a cavity search...

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Economic Stimulus Payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

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I once asked someone if a grown male musician could pee in stereo. He said "I dunno!" So I responded, well, if he tried and suddenly started feeling a lot of bass, then maybe rather than standing to pee he ought to sit on the commode because he's about to **** himself!

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A man was walking along the beech on a beautiful sunny and warm day when he happened upon a young woman without both arms and both legs lying on a beach towel and crying.

“What’s the matter?” he asks.

The young lady responds, “I’m 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs, and I’ve never been kissed!” sobs the woman.

So the man kneels down and gives her the warmest most passionate kiss you could imagine, stands up and smiles, and continues walking along the beach.

Immediately the young woman starts crying again, and the man asks “Why are you still crying?”

The young lady responds, “Because I’m 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs, and I’ve never been f**ked!” sobs the woman.

So the man picks her up, throws her out into the ocean and shouts, “You’re f**ked now!”

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If you are over 30 yrs old you MUST take this test Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S  

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S



Answers below:

















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Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are a Pervert!!

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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lil old woman behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’

‘NO!’ the woman yelled back..., ‘IT’S A SCARF!’