| 02/10/2011 6:21 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 12/30/2010
Topics: 1
Posts: 334
 OFFLINE | Guys...just trying to help!
NINE REMARKS WOMEN USE... DEFINED.
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever'  .
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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| 02/10/2011 7:03 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/14/2011
Topics: 7
Posts: 448
OFFLINE |  Originally Posted by Tonya Kiaunis-Dlugas:
Although I hate to admit this.. I dont get it.... What is OBCD???
OBCD = Obesity |
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| 02/11/2011 2:21 pm |
Cool Senior Forum Expert
Regist.: 12/26/2010
Topics: 142
Posts: 2128
OFFLINE | A man walks into a bar and as he steps in he realizes it is a "gay" bar.
"What-the-hell," he thinks," I need a drink!"
The bartender comes up and asks, "What's the name of your ****?"
The man says, "I'm not into any of that stuff! I just want a drink, please!"
"I'm sorry, but I can't serve you 'til you tell me the name. Mine is 'Nike' as in 'Just Do It'.
That guy there calls his 'Snickers' cuz' it really satisfies'. Get it?"
The bartender gives him a bit to think on it. The man is flustered so he asks a guy next to him, "What do you call your ****?"
The guy answers, "'Timex' it takes a lickingand keeps on ticking."
The man asks another guy and is told, "Chevy, like a rock!"
The man thinks for a second and says "Hey, bartender! My **** is named 'Secret' Now, get me a damn beer!"
The bartender asks, "Why 'Secret'?"
The man answers, "Because, it's strong enough for a man but it's made for a woman!" |
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| 02/12/2011 10:53 pm |
Senior Forum Expert
Regist.: 12/26/2010
Topics: 4
Posts: 1694
OFFLINE | Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, ’Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk, ’ worth 70 points or none at all.
One student in particular was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally in desperation just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang he wrote....
7) It comes in 2 cute containers.
He received an A. |
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| 02/14/2011 11:41 am |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/14/2011
Topics: 7
Posts: 448
OFFLINE | A couple goes to the marriage counselor.
The marriage counselor says, "I think we should start with what you have in common."
The husband says, "Neither of us likes to suck ****." |
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| 02/14/2011 1:19 pm |
Forum Expert
Regist.: 12/27/2010
Topics: 2
Posts: 555
OFFLINE |
THE LIE DETECTOR
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.
The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair...
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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| 02/14/2011 2:27 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/14/2011
Topics: 7
Posts: 448
OFFLINE | A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned", he says. "I've spent the past week with seven beautiful women".
"Do not fret, my son. All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice."
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?"
""No, but it'll wipe that stupid smile off your face." |
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| 02/14/2011 2:34 pm |
Forum Expert
Regist.: 12/29/2010
Topics: 19
Posts: 699
OFFLINE | |
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| 02/14/2011 2:52 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/05/2011
Topics: 0
Posts: 336
OFFLINE | Is it pointless to ponder the potential of an unheard ultrasonic utterance? |
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| 02/16/2011 12:17 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/05/2011
Topics: 0
Posts: 336
OFFLINE | Coming out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around me my daughter saw my armpits and asked, "Daddy why do you have hair there?" so I giggled and told her that it was a Tarantula trying to find a place to hide… She had this look of shock and awe and proclaimed, “Daddy, I think there is tarantula trying to hide in mommy’s ****!” |
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| 02/18/2011 3:19 pm |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/05/2011
Topics: 0
Posts: 336
OFFLINE | DEVIL'S DYKE : any of several prehistoric British earthworks
Merriam-Webster
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| 02/21/2011 11:25 am |
Forum Fanatic
Regist.: 01/14/2011
Topics: 7
Posts: 448
OFFLINE | What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's holding a grenade. |
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Head Games....
OFFLINE
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