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the ultimate maggot leach
sucking inspiration out of fragile minds
eyeing unsuspecting victims, leavening them lost
without thought and found in the place of confusion
tangled in tongues tide to translations interpretation
sliced diced mixed metaphors mingled innuendos
within dark dirty hole the house mouse dances
cockroaches scurry in corners circumference
squeezing, sentiments in the wrinkles
the wiggling worm now goes

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Joe wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his Company's Christmas Party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Joe had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Joe sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house . He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.
I love you, Darling!
Love,
Jillian'


He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and his morning newsspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Joe asks: 'Son... what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway , and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
'Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT!.. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone ****, I'm married!'

Broken Coffee Table
$239.99
Hot Breakfast
$4.20
Two Aspirin
$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time......priceless!!    

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Somethings truth is funnier than fiction


http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/01/26/drug-catapult-mexico-border/

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Sitting alone in a juxtaposition trying to square root rotundas rhombus perplexed by its prefabricated falsifications

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Paradoxical thought for today.

"Fathom the odd hypocrisy that the government wants every citizen to prove
that they are insured, but people don't have to prove they are citizens."

Ben Stein

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Specialty Toilet Paper:

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lol

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The vulgarity in pubescent literature has gone beyond obscenities into the dark realms of sparkles.

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Originally Posted by John Dohnut:
The vulgarity in pubescent literature has gone beyond obscenities into the dark realms of sparkles.

I know, right? They're just a bunch of f***ing potty mouths

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Garlic water breeds mosquitoes

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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like he other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway... thi...s yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You're brown!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.

There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother. He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."

She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries, they remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!"

She says: "I don't do units; you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."

To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the heck do I find The Wizard of Oz?"

The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellow dick toad!!!"

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SIGN IN A BUSINESS WINDOW,  IN ST. LOUIS, MO !!!!  


This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in St. Louis , MO. and you are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory sign.

"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 AL QAIDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH
ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER!"


However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps one of our greatest liberties.

You may ask : "What kind of business would dare post such a sign?"









Answer: A Funeral Home
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

You gotta love it!!!

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Originally Posted by Bob Clair:
SIGN IN A BUSINESS WINDOW,  IN ST. LOUIS, MO !!!!  


This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in St. Louis , MO. and you are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory sign.

"WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH
1000 AL QAIDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH
ONE SINGLE AMERICAN SOLDIER!"


However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps one of our greatest liberties.

You may ask : "What kind of business would dare post such a sign?"









Answer: A Funeral Home
(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

You gotta love it!!!

AMEN!

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If your surname is Amigone, was it derived from ones chosen occupation?