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Originally Posted by Susan Stigall:

Originally Posted by Rebecca Chastain:


I never had a problem telling people I met someone online. After all, that's where most people seem to meet people any more. I'm glad things are going so well for you two! It's nice to see you so happy!  

It's really not that there's an issue telling people we met online ... we still have that in our backpocket so/speak ... I think it's more of the stigma that goes along with *Match* now from some of the stories we have both been hearing and it somehow feels it cheapens what we have.  

and Thank You Becky ...  It's great to feel and be so happy once again!  : )

Susan, you seem to have something pretty special with your new guy.  I hope you don't let other people's preconceived notions make you feel uncomfortable, or like you need to be less than honest about the circumstances that brought you into each other's lives. On the other hand, you don't need to feel obligated to share every aspect of your relationship with the world.

But, that being said, you told all of us here about how you met....and we couldn't be happier for you!! You go, Girl!  

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I have been on the free and paind dating sites and haven't found them to much different from each other, match.com, yahoo personals or POF ( plenty of Fish) I am just on POF now and in all honesty, it really is just a place were the men are looking for one night stands, well ok at least that is what it seems like around here anyway.

They want a fast hook up and thats about it. I Take my time, and weed them out. I haven't gone to any of the dances they have. The local people here put on a lot of dances and get togethers. one of these days maybe I will get to one.

At this point tho I am just sorta cool to the dating sites and don't expect to find anyone. I have spent way to many years on them. ohhhhh that sounds bad !

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Originally Posted by Tiramisu Sue:

Originally Posted by Susan Stigall:

Originally Posted by Rebecca Chastain:


I never had a problem telling people I met someone online. After all, that's where most people seem to meet people any more. I'm glad things are going so well for you two! It's nice to see you so happy!  

It's really not that there's an issue telling people we met online ... we still have that in our backpocket so/speak ... I think it's more of the stigma that goes along with *Match* now from some of the stories we have both been hearing and it somehow feels it cheapens what we have.  

and Thank You Becky ...  It's great to feel and be so happy once again!  : )

Susan, you seem to have something pretty special with your new guy.  I hope you don't let other people's preconceived notions make you feel uncomfortable, or like you need to be less than honest about the circumstances that brought you into each other's lives. On the other hand, you don't need to feel obligated to share every aspect of your relationship with the world.

But, that being said, you told all of us here about how you met....and we couldn't be happier for you!! You go, Girl!  

Well said Sue!

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I still haven't summoned up the nerve to join one and then after last night's conversation with a male friend now I think I'll just wait.

When I told him I've been entertaining the idea of joining one he tells me "that seems sort of desperate.  I wouldn't do that."

So I guess maybe if a guy is telling me this I should just take my chances and hope to stumble upon someone special here in this big city.

Sighs....

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Here's something I did not think about that happened to me when I check my e-mails on a site yesterday.

There was a guy who expressed interest and sent an e-mail that I know ! ... lol.  He's a nice enough guy but not one I would consider dating OR I would have done so already ... right ?    So now I'm trying to craft a simple and direct response that let's him down gently (he seemed overly excited that I was available) ... suggestions ?

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Originally Posted by Sylvia Torres:
I still haven't summoned up the nerve to join one and then after last night's conversation with a male friend now I think I'll just wait.

When I told him I've been entertaining the idea of joining one he tells me "that seems sort of desperate.  I wouldn't do that."

So I guess maybe if a guy is telling me this I should just take my chances and hope to stumble upon someone special here in this big city.

Sighs....

Sometimes I wonder which is more desperate: going to a bar or going to an internet site? Neither guarantees intimacy, and both places harbor desperation. But I feel that going to a bar in desperation greatly increases one's chances of making an immediate and desperate choice with flesh'n blood. But if both places harbor lots of desperate individuals, then I suspect that neither is the optimal place for meeting someone. Not to dismiss those experiences that result in good and long-term relationships, but for me personally, I don't feel desperate, so I ignore desperate avenues.

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How could using any avenue to meet people and have human interaction be considered desperate ?   I think desperate is settling for someone just because you want it so badly.  Attempting to meet people through whatever avenue is available seems smart to me ...increases the chances of finding your special someone.  You throw yourself into a larger pool ... and therefore are exposed to more opportunities.

Meeting someone on a dating site then leads to the flesh and blood meet ... you either have chemistry or you don't.  It turns into something or it does not.

We see lots of fabulous women on this very forum who have used these avenues to get themselves out there and increase their chances of meeting people  ... I do not perceive any of us as desperate.  

But then again, I'm not judgmental that way.

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Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:
How could using any avenue to meet people and have human interaction be considered desperate ?   I think desperate is settling for someone just because you want it so badly.  Attempting to meet people through whatever avenue is available seems smart to me ...increases the chances of finding your special someone.  You throw yourself into a larger pool ... and therefore are exposed to more opportunities.

Meeting someone on a dating site then leads to the flesh and blood meet ... you either have chemistry or you don't.  It turns into something or it does not.

We see lots of fabulous women on this very forum who have used these avenues to get themselves out there and increase their chances of meeting people  ... I do not perceive any of us as desperate.  

But then again, I'm not judgmental that way.

Exactly! Aren't we all mature and confident enough to stretch our wings and try new things without letting someone else's opinion hold us back? If you know who you are, and believe in yourself, and you put yourself out there online, or in a bar, or any other place you're living your life...people will see you for who you are....as someone who is taking control of your life and making decisions...not as desperate. And you may find a friend, or a mate or just an experience that was not for you.  My point is...be in control of your own life/happiness/future.  Let your doubts be your own, not planted by someone else. You can listen to advice and opinions of friends, but no one knows better what's right for you than you.

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Originally Posted by Tiramisu Sue:

Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:
How could using any avenue to meet people and have human interaction be considered desperate ?   I think desperate is settling for someone just because you want it so badly.  Attempting to meet people through whatever avenue is available seems smart to me ...increases the chances of finding your special someone.  You throw yourself into a larger pool ... and therefore are exposed to more opportunities.

Meeting someone on a dating site then leads to the flesh and blood meet ... you either have chemistry or you don't.  It turns into something or it does not.

We see lots of fabulous women on this very forum who have used these avenues to get themselves out there and increase their chances of meeting people  ... I do not perceive any of us as desperate.  

But then again, I'm not judgmental that way.

Exactly! Aren't we all mature and confident enough to stretch our wings and try new things without letting someone else's opinion hold us back? If you know who you are, and believe in yourself, and you put yourself out there online, or in a bar, or any other place you're living your life...people will see you for who you are....as someone who is taking control of your life and making decisions...not as desperate. And you may find a friend, or a mate or just an experience that was not for you.  My point is...be in control of your own life/happiness/future.  Let your doubts be your own, not planted by someone else. You can listen to advice and opinions of friends, but no one knows better what's right for you than you.

Yeah, what they said!

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I thought I would share my favorite email from a dating site... well I have a couple...

this one was....

You look cute, but, if or when you get rid of the glasses, and you start wearing make up, and start wearing different clothes,so if or when that happens,  let me know, then I would interested in taking you out on a date.  


then my next favorite email was just one word...

sex


that was it, apparently that was an offer and or a question at the same time

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Oh goodness Denise ... no reason to beat about the bush, huh ?

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LOL, Yes Teri, no reason ! very straight forward with that one, no HI, or anything, ohhhh and there was no profile picture either on his part ! wouldn't THAT be a heck of a surprise if you said sure why not just because you were into one night stands and it was some disgusting guy?  

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Many years ago in the Yahoo network, a woman shared her archives with me so I could see the things guys, both anonymous and known, say to her privately. It was an eyeful to say the least. So I'd expect the same hypersexual and crass content to be common and pervasive in membership sites also. It lead to my thinking that being a woman online could be quite a bother at times. If memory serves, many women I knew had their "IMs" turned off to anyone not already on their contact list, which seemed fairly necessary - unfortunately. But turning off IMs or Emails at these membership sites kinda defeats the purpose.

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Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:
Here's something I did not think about that happened to me when I check my e-mails on a site yesterday.

There was a guy who expressed interest and sent an e-mail that I know ! ... lol.  He's a nice enough guy but not one I would consider dating OR I would have done so already ... right ?    So now I'm trying to craft a simple and direct response that let's him down gently (he seemed overly excited that I was available) ... suggestions ?

That's a good question, how to let someone down easy. Hmmmm.....I've thought about what I would say and I would take into consideration their interests and how they differ from mine and what I'm really looking for and how he doesn't meet the criteria and just explain "this is what I'm looking for and it is a requirement for me in order to find a good match." (runon sentence, sorry)

Is he unattractive? What is it about him that doesn't meet your criteria?

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Originally Posted by Michele McPhalen:

Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:
Here's something I did not think about that happened to me when I check my e-mails on a site yesterday.
There was a guy who expressed interest and sent an e-mail that I know ! ... lol.  He's a nice enough guy but not one I would consider dating OR I would have done so already ... right ?    So now I'm trying to craft a simple and direct response that let's him down gently (he seemed overly excited that I was available) ... suggestions ?

That's a good question, how to let someone down easy. Hmmmm.....I've thought about what I would say and I would take into consideration their interests and how they differ from mine and what I'm really looking for and how he doesn't meet the criteria and just explain "this is what I'm looking for and it is a requirement for me in order to find a good match." (runon sentence, sorry)

Is he unattractive? What is it about him that doesn't meet your criteria?

Thanks for responding Michele.  And don't worry about run on sentences, I do it ALL the time ... AND, I don't have my red pen out.

I think first and foremost, he was/is a friend of my Ex ... and that's always been a rule of mine:  no dating ex's friend (or girlfriend's ex boyfriends).  Secondly, he's sort of goofy ... and not in a good way.  I am witty, but tend towards a more dry wit so he sort of gets on my nerves.  He's not all that smart, I think I would get bored with him on that level.  He does not strike me as someone who would meet my passionate needs, I just could not imagine myself with him in that way.  No physical attractions whatsoever.