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Originally Posted by Shawn Ishness:
I was discussing some relationship self-help books with some acquaintances and I think they might have been surprised to hear me say that I’ve found them quite unhelpful by and large. They all know I’ve read so many and figured I’d think a bit more highly of them.

If you find them so unhelpful, then why do you keep  reading them, and then discussing them?  Seems pretty pointless to me...

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Originally Posted by Nina Kelley Llorens:

If you find them so unhelpful, then why do you keep  reading them, and then discussing them?  Seems pretty pointless to me...

Nina, you beat me to it.

Personally, I'd rather read a murder/mystery novel.

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Or a well-written drama - something with action, suspense, romance and great character development.  Anyone have any suggestions?

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You don't have to read a relationship book at all...just ask anyone who has been in a long-term relationship what works...what helps..and where they're heading...and how they got there.... yeah...that's the ticket! Ohhhh and if all else fails... just ask Scott...cause he knows it all

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Nothing helps if you're not willing to help yourself.

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Originally Posted by Jann Morrison Kostka:
Nothing helps if you're not willing to help yourself.

BINGO ...

There Jann goes again ... popping in with the statement of absolute wisdom

... here, here ...  CHEERS to (((Jann)))

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Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:

Originally Posted by Jann Morrison Kostka:
Nothing helps if you're not willing to help yourself.

BINGO ...

There Jann goes again ... popping in with the statement of absolute wisdom

... here, here ...  CHEERS to (((Jann)))

I think this is largely the problem for many who always seem to have chronic relationship problems. But I think it's complemented with a secret enjoyment of the adrenalin rushes and thrills that drama often influences, combined with the need for relationship drama in order to feel alive or just a somebody. And if they were to actually do something, like genuinely help themselves, then they fear they risk losing that thing (the drama) that helps them feel alive or a somebody.

But in many other cases, I think some people are just plain lazy, or maybe even fear ridicule from their buddies in an atmosphere where personal & spiritual growth is stigmatized. But where this feels tragic to me is when an otherwise really good person simply never learned from their initial relationship role models (their parents or guardians) what a good relationship and true love looks like to begin with, and so they ignorantly/innocently seek relationships that mirror their parent's relational dysfunctions.