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I've been divorced about a year and so called experts say you should wait at least a year after a divorce to start dating again. My ex has already been dating but I haven't felt ready. Is it all a matter of personal preference, when you are ready. I don't know if I will ever be ready but I hate this lonely feeling I get. I just don't want to date so I'm "not lonely".

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I'd say the time's right when someone's over the ex (no emotions, good or bad) and they feel perfectly fine being themselves and single.

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Originally Posted by Michele McPhalen:
I've been divorced about a year and so called experts say you should wait at least a year after a divorce to start dating again. My ex has already been dating but I haven't felt ready. Is it all a matter of personal preference, when you are ready. I don't know if I will ever be ready but I hate this lonely feeling I get. I just don't want to date so I'm "not lonely".

I think this is one of those things where a general time-frame can't really be defined; we all recover from failed or ended relationships at our own unique pace.

I think one thing is for certain; few people if any come out of a separation or divorce with truly healthy emotions, healthy temperaments, healthy personalities, etc; they're wounded, devastated, humbled, terrified, etc. Therefor, I think it's quite necessary that people newly single put forth a genuine effort to to experience stillness, acceptance, healing, reflection, growth, and solidarity in being single before even thinking about dating again.

I think it was about 2 or 3 years ago when a woman asked me "Shawn, when do you think you'll be ready to start dating again?" And I responded, "When I can look into myself and no longer see things that I know to be truly toxic to adult romantic relationships." In short, my highlighted text is my answer to your question.

But the trick of it is to know what really IS toxic to adult romantic relationships. This has shown to be really very controversial. But in and of that being something of controversy between two potential partners, that controversy (or differences of opinion) is a strong indication of incompatibility, or merely an indication of one's continued need to experience stillness, acceptance, healing, reflection, growth, and solidarity in being single before even thinking about dating again.

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I don't think there is a specific amount of time... it depends on the person, and on the relationship they had, why they got divorced, etcc..

when you're ready, you're ready

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It's a good time when YOU are ready and not until.

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I've heard a rumour that one should allow one month for each whole year or part thereof that a relationship lasted, but then that assumption was on the basis for dating for the purpose of engaging in another battle, I mean relationship ;-)

So I think it depends on why you're dating again, affirmation of self-esteem, inability to spend quality time with self, no idea how the washing machine, lawnmower, drill or cooker works, to prove to the other party that you are still desirable, you actually are ready to move on - so very variable dependent.

Seems to come down to personal needs, morals and ethics, especially when one considers than on a few minor occassions one party has already erm started dating, and a few more due to elongated and unneccssarily protracted legal practioner fee extracting processes and procedures, start dating again long before the decree absolute has hit the doormat.

Life considerations are thrown into the pot too, for example if little people are involved, which can determine the type of dating.

Lot of words to say , horses for courses, it's down to when you feel ready (unless it's some millionairess who wants to spoil you rotten - then stuff morals).

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Originally Posted by Michele McPhalen:
. I just don't want to date so I'm "not lonely".

That's what friends are for  ;-)

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my ex was remarried less than a yr after the divorce  but  he still wont admit she was the reason for it

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You'll know when you are ready.  If you are questioning it, I think that's probably a clue as to what the answer is.

To me dating is getting with a friend of the opposite sex to enjoy activities together.   So doing that can happen anytime you want to go somewhere but do not want to do so alone.  To me dating does not mean getting into a committed relationship.  

As far as a committed relationship, I'd wait at least a year ... when it feels right you'll know.  Like Scott said, make sure you are completely over your ex before you even try to commit to someone else.  Entering into a relationship with unresolved baggage is unfair to all parties involved.

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A good time to start dating again is whenever you feel ready!  You are the only expert that knows all of your details and your feelings.  The reason the so-called-experts say to wait a year, is because that is the average time that is takes after the average divorce for the average person to sort out all of their average feelings.  But are you average?

If you're lonely, there's nothing wrong with a little friendly dating even if you aren't ready for a serious relationship yet. Just be honest with everyone so they know your situation and intentions.  Or, instead of dating, you could join some group or club or charity that you have an interest in…meet new friends and keep yourself busy.  

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Originally Posted by Donna Brown:
It's a good time when YOU are ready and not until.

X2

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Originally Posted by Tiramisu Sue:
If you're lonely, there's nothing wrong with a little friendly dating even if you aren't ready for a serious relationship yet. Just be honest with everyone so they know your situation and intentions.  Or, instead of dating, you could join some group or club or charity that you have an interest in…meet new friends and keep yourself busy.

I like this idea. But I think it's necessary to pick 'dates' carefully. I say this without prejudice to either gender; there are some people who'd see this as a conquest. But if your 'date' is a person of really good character, then I suspect this could be great building blocks to restoring self-esteem, self-confidence, and reaffirming a healthy belief that not every person of our opposite gender is 'bad'. So many people I've known to experience divorce come out if it with such nasty gender prejudices that that alone can become a huge turnoff to other potential partners. But all that aside, a good 'date' with a friend can help a person relearn HOW to date. After being in an exclusive relationship for so long, learning to date again can be an intimidating experience for some people.

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ok, i've probably had a bit too much too drink tonight....

and I'm really disappointed cuz I thought we were going to get o go out and see my friends tonight....

but I have to tell ya.... my best times were when I was single and I was just hanging with my friends................

don't rush yourself, and don't let anyone rush you.

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ok, i've probably had a bit too much too drink tonight....

and I'm really disappointed cuz I thought we were going to get o go out and see my friends tonight....

but I have to tell ya.... my best times were when I was single and I was just hanging with my friends................

don't rush yourself, and don't let anyone rush you.

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ok, i've probably had a bit too much too drink tonight....

and I'm really disappointed cuz I thought we were going to get o go out and see my friends tonight....

but I have to tell ya.... my best times were when I was single and I was just hanging with my friends................

don't rush yourself, and don't let anyone rush you.