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Originally Posted by Jann Morrison Kostka:

Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:

Originally Posted by Donna Brown:
Seriously, I don't think there is a secret. Some people are simply better at being in relationships than others. I happen to be one of those who is not so good at it because I don't want to put forth the effort.

Maybe because someone who is worthy of your effort hasn't come along yet.  

If it's the right person it doesn't take any effort. It just happens.

Really?  I think that from time to time, relationships require effort.  I don't believe people can go through life without some difficulties and it takes effort on the part of both to get through the tough times.  In the past, I was much more willing to try than I am now.  I can no longer tolerate a lot of b.s. or supposed grown men who want to behave like teenagers ALL of the time.  Seriously, I like grown men who act like grown men . . . then the effort would be worth everything.

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Originally Posted by Jann Morrison Kostka:

Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:

Originally Posted by Donna Brown:
Seriously, I don't think there is a secret. Some people are simply better at being in relationships than others. I happen to be one of those who is not so good at it because I don't want to put forth the effort.

Maybe because someone who is worthy of your effort hasn't come along yet.  

If it's the right person it doesn't take any effort. It just happens

I think relationship effort is something where no one standard can be assigned to every relationship. Where one couple feels little need, desire, or interest to exert effort in their relationship, another couple might mutually enjoy going to all ends to exert effort. And which couple is happier? Well, I suspect only an unhappy person might ask. But then happiness and unhappiness is subjective, especially to an unhappy person.

I'd personally enjoy putting forth effort in a relationship. And if I meet a woman who feels otherwise, then I suspect neither of us is right or wrong. Incompatible maybe, but neither right or wrong.

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Relationship/marriage = COMPROMISE, equally and by both parties involved.

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Originally Posted by Donna Brown:

Originally Posted by Jann Morrison Kostka:

Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:

Originally Posted by Donna Brown:
Seriously, I don't think there is a secret. Some people are simply better at being in relationships than others. I happen to be one of those who is not so good at it because I don't want to put forth the effort.

Maybe because someone who is worthy of your effort hasn't come along yet.  

If it's the right person it doesn't take any effort. It just happens.

Really?  I think that from time to time, relationships require effort.  I don't believe people can go through life without some difficulties and it takes effort on the part of both to get through the tough times.  In the past, I was much more willing to try than I am now.  I can no longer tolerate a lot of b.s. or supposed grown men who want to behave like teenagers ALL of the time.  Seriously, I like grown men who act like grown men . . . then the effort would be worth everything.

After you've been together awhile, to help the relationship grow, sure, it takes effort. Effort and understanding and communication.

But in the beginning, the initial attraction.... no effort. You can't force attraction.

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But there's a huge difference between a relationship and attraction, right?

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Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:
Relationship/marriage = COMPROMISE, equally and by both parties involved.

Well said, Ron!

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Originally Posted by Bob Clair:

Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:
Relationship/marriage = COMPROMISE, equally and by both parties involved.

Well said, Ron!

Thanks Bob.

And Donna, yes, there is a big difference. Just as there is a big difference between love and lust!

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Originally Posted by Donna Brown:
But there's a huge difference between a relationship and attraction, right?

True, but every relationship starts with attraction. A relationship is an attraction that deepens.

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Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:

Originally Posted by Bob Clair:

Originally Posted by Ron Bradley:
Relationship/marriage = COMPROMISE, equally and by both parties involved.

Well said, Ron!

Thanks Bob.

And Donna, yes, there is a big difference. Just as there is a big difference between love and lust!

but sometimes its hard to tell if someone is stringin you along making you think they love you to get you to give it up or they really do love you but talk  sex every waking moment..??

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what i meant by that is... how do u know.. if someone is really in love with you or they are using you? sometimes people are professioal actors/actresses.. lol

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Originally Posted by Diane Condon:
what i meant by that is... how do u know.. if someone is really in love with you or they are using you? sometimes people are professioal actors/actresses.. lol

I agree that some conmen/women are quite skilled at what they do. This is one reason why I favor taking things slowly at the start of a relationship. Most conmen/women are too impatient to take the slow route and usually end up unmasking themselves for you. Granted, there are a few really bad people who possess long-term patience, but they're far and few between. But I feel it's important to stay as conscious of reality as possible and not get emotionally caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship because it greatly reduces a person's potential to make mistakes and poor character judgments of their potential partner.

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Regarding 'knowing' if someone loves you, clairvoyance is a myth. You cannot truly know what another person is thinking or feeling. So we're left, in part, with making educated guesses. And if you take things slowly at the beginning of a relationship, then you acquire more information to make that educated guess with. But that's merely calculative cognition, or figuring through a circumstance and then believing you know what it is. I feel that's only part of the process. Much of the rest of the process is intuitive. And if you're intuitively healthy, then the slower the relationship grows, the more intuitive oriented discerning you're able to do.

I don't want to go much further with this point, but one thing that helps to know whether or not someone loves you is largely relative to how much a person loves themselves. If I don't love myself, then how could I possibly know if someone else loves me either? And if I truly love myself (not in a narcissistic way of course), then there's a deep resonance we feel when another person truly loves us.

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Originally Posted by Shawn Ishness:

Originally Posted by Diane Condon:
what i meant by that is... how do u know.. if someone is really in love with you or they are using you? sometimes people are professioal actors/actresses.. lol

I agree that some conmen/women are quite skilled at what they do. This is one reason why I favor taking things slowly at the start of a relationship. Most conmen/women are too impatient to take the slow route and usually end up unmasking themselves for you. Granted, there are a few really bad people who possess long-term patience, but they're far and few between. But I feel it's important to stay as conscious of reality as possible and not get emotionally caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship because it greatly reduces a person's potential to make mistakes and poor character judgments of their potential partner.

Thanks Shawn...i kind of was leaning in that direction myself.. take it slow..i was feeling that i cant truely know someone enough with in a one month time span.. to make decisions that can change my whole life..

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Originally Posted by Diane Condon:

Originally Posted by Shawn Ishness:

Originally Posted by Diane Condon:
what i meant by that is... how do u know.. if someone is really in love with you or they are using you? sometimes people are professioal actors/actresses.. lol

I agree that some conmen/women are quite skilled at what they do. This is one reason why I favor taking things slowly at the start of a relationship. Most conmen/women are too impatient to take the slow route and usually end up unmasking themselves for you. Granted, there are a few really bad people who possess long-term patience, but they're far and few between. But I feel it's important to stay as conscious of reality as possible and not get emotionally caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship because it greatly reduces a person's potential to make mistakes and poor character judgments of their potential partner.

Thanks Shawn...i kind of was leaning in that direction myself.. take it slow..i was feeling that i cant truely know someone enough with in a one month time span.. to make decisions that can change my whole life..

One thing I ask myself almost daily is "What do I value?" If I went into a relationship with little to no personal values, then I'm almost certain to end up unhappy. And in keeping in touch with our values, especially growing values, when a person we meet seems to compromise or even threaten our values, then that's a very good indicator that they're simply not the one. I feel that in a good relationship, our values expand and grow.

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Originally Posted by Shawn Ishness:

Originally Posted by Diane Condon:

Originally Posted by Shawn Ishness:

Originally Posted by Diane Condon:
what i meant by that is... how do u know.. if someone is really in love with you or they are using you? sometimes people are professioal actors/actresses.. lol

I agree that some conmen/women are quite skilled at what they do. This is one reason why I favor taking things slowly at the start of a relationship. Most conmen/women are too impatient to take the slow route and usually end up unmasking themselves for you. Granted, there are a few really bad people who possess long-term patience, but they're far and few between. But I feel it's important to stay as conscious of reality as possible and not get emotionally caught up in the euphoria of a new relationship because it greatly reduces a person's potential to make mistakes and poor character judgments of their potential partner.

Thanks Shawn...i kind of was leaning in that direction myself.. take it slow..i was feeling that i cant truely know someone enough with in a one month time span.. to make decisions that can change my whole life..

One thing I ask myself almost daily is "What do I value?" If I went into a relationship with little to no personal values, then I'm almost certain to end up unhappy. And in keeping in touch with our values, especially growing values, when a person we meet seems to compromise or even threaten our values, then that's a very good indicator that they're simply not the one. I feel that in a good relationship, our values expand and grow.

ok.. i like this ..very profound.. and  i will take this information and file it away in the relationship part of my brain. under.. duh...