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I don't like this format. I'm not sure I'm even in the right general area to post a topic. Anyway, giving it a shot.

If you've done something generally accepted as wrong (and let's say you're ashamed of having done it and never plan to do it again), but you have the opportunity to make complete reparations without this immoral action of yours being exposed to anyone (at all), should you take that opportunity? Or are you be morally obliged to confess?

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Good a place to start the thread as any, MMG. I'm not sure if this format will catch on or not. Just an experiment, and suggestions for making it more user friendly are more than welcome.

As to your question itself, my take would be that it depends on who, if anyone, would be the victim of your wrongful actions. If you're talking about something like experimenting with drugs or hiring a prostitute or the like, which would disappoint those who think highly of you, as long as you don't actually sustain any physical harm in the process I'd say no one else really needs to know... unless confessing actually helps you get over your feelings of guilt about it. OTOH, if, for instance, you borrowed your dad's car without permission while he was out of town, had a small accident, but had all the repairs done at your own expense before he returned, my take would be that he'd still deserve to know. In between there'd be a lot of grey areas, and it is rather hard to generalize. Did you want to speak hypothetically about something more specific? (Probably not.)

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I usually confess even if it is embarrassing (I'm human and all humans makes mistakes) but I never confess if to do so would put me in serious jeopardy. Serious jeopardy would be being shunned by family and friends, suffering damage to my professional and personal reputations, and/or being punished by a legal system. To avoid such serious jeopardy, I will keep my wrong-doing to myself or lie about it if it is otherwise revealed (everybody lies).

The 'trick' to keeping those options available over a life-time is to limit their frequency.

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Lyman,

What you say makes sense to me, I would go along with that.