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What is the kinder thing to do?
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What is the kinder thing to do?
07/19/2011 11:58 am

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I'm attempting to meet online and I know Plenty of Fish is not the best place to meet men. If I had the money, I would go to one of the paid sites as I'm sure the quality of men is better. So my dilemma is that I get messages from guys I would never consider dating. Most of the time, I just don't respond hoping they will get the message. However, a few of them continue to e-mail me and it almost reaches the point of harrassment. I put an aside on my profile explaining that I don't respond to everyone's e-mail and that it's just to save each other from wasting our time.  But there are a few men who don't get the message. I hate to just outright tell them, "I'm not interested" and they will know if I'm lying about already being involved so my question is, do you think it is ok to just be blunt and tell people they aren't your type?
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07/19/2011 12:18 pm

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I feel a simple "I'm not interested" is most favorable if a response is even necessary. Saying "You're not my type" could be received as rude or suggesting they're not good enough a person for you and could flare unwanted hostility. I'm not interested - just says "no, thank you!"

But especially online, I find the iggy-button really handy
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07/19/2011 1:37 pm

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Just be honest and say it ... "Thanks, I appreciate it but I'm not interested."

If they continue or harass you, say "What part of I'm not interested do you not understand?  LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
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07/19/2011 2:01 pm

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"Thank you, but I'm not interested" sends a clear and respectful message.  If the roles were reversed, I'm sure you would appreciate equal honesty.
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07/19/2011 2:52 pm

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I did tell one guy after continued harrassment that I wasn't interested and he continued with WHY NOT??!!! I'M A GOOD GUY!!! I had to block him to stop his messages because telling it to him straight didn't make any difference.
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07/19/2011 4:34 pm

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I agree with Scott, but unfortunately there are some men (and women) who refuse to accept polite or blunt rejection.
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07/19/2011 5:26 pm

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I don't think it would make a difference if you were on a paid site, Michele. There are rude, dense people everywhere and sometimes they want what they want so badly that they convince themselves that obnoxious behavior will eventually make it happen.
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07/19/2011 6:54 pm

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Paid sites are just as bad ... at least match.com is.  I've shut down my profiles on both because I do not have the time to date right now but when they were active, I found the men on match.com to be completely unrealistic.  The guys on POF were a lot more down to earth, perhaps a little less expectation because they had not paid for it ? ... I dunno.

Personally I feel if a guy takes the time to look at my profile and is interested enough to e-mail me, I should respond like Scott and others suggested.  A simple I am not interested, is all it should take.  If they persist, just block them.

On the other hand, if they persist and do not seem to be some sort of psycho ogre, you might give them a try ... what's one date going to hurt ?  Just meet them at a public place and do not give out personal information until you are comfortable.  Another thing I noticed is that people were constantly organizing meet and greets at local clubs ... if they do that where you are might be a good opportunity to go and see some of these guys with absolutely no commitment to a one on one meeting or date.  I went to one with a few girlfriends and had a great time.
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07/19/2011 8:09 pm

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Thanks everyone for your input.  
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07/21/2011 12:38 am

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Be blunt just tell them to (F --- off ) then I will know  
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07/21/2011 8:14 am

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Stalkers will be stalkers... even when they are lost they still seem to find your inbox

So it might be best to be blunt and then block them if they persist.

I have found the best way for me being a man to get rid of a female stalker is to talk to her... ;p
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07/21/2011 9:51 am

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Originally Posted by John Dohnut:
Stalkers will be stalkers... even when they are lost they still seem to find your inbox

So it might be best to be blunt and then block them if they persist.

I have found the best way for me being a man to get rid of a female stalker is to talk to her... ;p

LMPWAOSHIF!!!!
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07/21/2011 11:04 am

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Originally Posted by John Dohnut:
Stalkers will be stalkers... even when they are lost they still seem to find your inbox

So it might be best to be blunt and then block them if they persist.

I have found the best way for me being a man to get rid of a female stalker is to talk to her... ;p



As always, you know how to bring comedy into the situation. Thanks for the laugh.   And again, thanks everyone for your input.
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