OFFLINE

Man Takes ****, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging **** on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two **** and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his ****.”

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.

By Garrett Baldwin

http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/06/man-takes-****-wears-sweatpants-for-tsa-pat-down/

OFFLINE

, is that a legit story?!

OFFLINE

  Oh my gosh, it was only a matter of time!  

(Poor Duncan).

OFFLINE

Best thread of all time.

OFFLINE

Originally Posted by Dødherre Mørktre:
, is that a legit story?!

Well, given that some of the other headlines on the site are "Obama and Boehner to Settle Debt Negotiations in Dance Floor Showdown" and "Mexican President Creates Drug War Tourism Experience", am guessing no.....

OFFLINE

yeah, i had to search on this, and came to the same conclusion. still a riot.

OFFLINE

Suddenly I got an idea.

OFFLINE

Heheh...I still think this was funny.