OFFLINE

I saw something this morning while out walking that I didn’t like. There was a coed gym class tossing the shot put around, and there was one lonely girl ‘sitting out’ on the side. I feel this has a way of singling children out in a negative way, and might actually be a form of child abuse.

If I child cannot attend gym class for any particular reason, wouldn't it be favorable to have some other appropriate activity that doesn't involve directly or blatantly singling them out?

What do you think?

OFFLINE

I think you are reading a lot into the situation.  Child abuse?  Were they throwing the shot put at her?

OFFLINE

Not hardly child abuse.  Speaking as the "short guy" who was never a jock, I think "that's life".

We all have our deficiencies ... things we suck at.  But we all also have our strengths ... things we're good at.  You can't legislate them away nor can you level the playing field for everybody.  Doing so would penalize those who're good at some things and it would falsely reward those who aren't good at those same things.

We need to experience.  We need to learn by experience.  Experience will help us learn how to deal with things.  And it will help us learn how to find our own paths and do what we do best.

OFFLINE

Maybe I am being ultra sensitive right now because of all the tornado devastation and loss of life around me BUT ... this is like the 3rd time I've read posts from you watching high school kids / children ... maybe it's just me but I'm a wee bit more creeped out by that than I'm am over the event you describe.  

In response to your post ... she could have been feeling "ill" or could be recovering from an injury that made her unable able to participate but she still needed to be present to "get credit" for the class.   There are several scenarios for a situation like this.  So I agree with Sue and Scott ... no big deal.

OFFLINE

Shawn, I think it's great that you happened to notice the girl sitting there alone and cared about her feelings.  It's hard to not miss something like that when you see a crowd of *anything* and anyone is singled out for whatever reason and feel compassionate about it.

Growing up in this world today can be very harsh and cruel, but it's life lesson's that are to be learned.  We have to learn as well from the good and the bad and that's what makes us grow as a person.  It's also another way we find out our strength's and weaknesses and builds our character.

OFFLINE

Originally Posted by Susan Stigall:
Shawn, I think it's great that you happened to notice the girl sitting there alone and cared about her feelings.  It's hard to not miss something like that when you see a crowd of *anything* and anyone is singled out for whatever reason and feel compassionate about it.

Growing up in this world today can be very harsh and cruel, but it's life lesson's that are to be learned.  We have to learn as well from the good and the bad and that's what makes us grow as a person.  It's also another way we find out our strength's and weaknesses and builds our character.

I like this.

And I guess I tend to look at things like a guy, not all the time, but most of the time.  I'd be more inclined to tell her ... "Don't you let them push you aside or intimidate you!  Get out there and try harder!"

But sometimes sympathy/empathy is the better quality and response.

They're both infinitely good to have and to practice.  I guess the trick is in knowing when to use which ... and in what measure.

OFFLINE

Originally Posted by Susan Stigall:
Shawn, I think it's great that you happened to notice the girl sitting there alone and cared about her feelings.  It's hard to not miss something like that when you see a crowd of *anything* and anyone is singled out for whatever reason and feel compassionate about it.

Growing up in this world today can be very harsh and cruel, but it's life lesson's that are to be learned.  We have to learn as well from the good and the bad and that's what makes us grow as a person.  It's also another way we find out our strength's and weaknesses and builds our character.

I tend to agree.

I think, though, that this is one of life’s many areas where nothing is guaranteed, yet influences still play major roles. Where I work, I regularly see very poor parenting. I hate to say it so pointedly, but that’s just what it is. If a parent isn’t being unreasonably obnoxious to their child, then they’re simply being abusive in countless other ways. And then once in a while I’ll see something that looks heaven-sent; a perception of loving congruency between parent and child.

But back on influences and people being singled out for whatever reason, I do think and feel that some of these kids use these experiences and eventually become very good charactered adults with healthy values. But if a child who deals with a lot of life’s harshness has a home-life that’s just as harsh or worse, then I feel this increases a child’s potential to develop poor character. But if this same child has a good parental or family support system to help them emotionally deal with the results of harsh experiences, then I feel this greatly influences their developing the healthy character and values I think we’d want for all children.

One thing that almost every human being deals with is some degree of shame. But in childhood, if we don’t teach our children healthy ways of dealing with and working through shame, then we greatly increase the risks of the subsequent development of severe character disorder.

I live right next door to our local high school, and I get to see everyday just how cruel kids continue to be towards each other. Granted, that’s more or less proven to be normal childhood behavior. But when I see kids in a gym class making fun of the student who are sitting out, while the teacher appears to tolerate it, then something seems very morally wrong to me, and that’s why I feel in this case that it’d be favorable to have something more productive for kids to do if they’re unable to participate in gym class.

So with regards to childhood abuse in general, what I saw a few days ago looked like the gym teacher being a general enabler to childhood emotional abuse.

OFFLINE

Originally Posted by Scott Terry:

Originally Posted by Susan Stigall:
Shawn, I think it's great that you happened to notice the girl sitting there alone and cared about her feelings.  It's hard to not miss something like that when you see a crowd of *anything* and anyone is singled out for whatever reason and feel compassionate about it.

Growing up in this world today can be very harsh and cruel, but it's life lesson's that are to be learned.  We have to learn as well from the good and the bad and that's what makes us grow as a person.  It's also another way we find out our strength's and weaknesses and builds our character.

I like this.

And I guess I tend to look at things like a guy, not all the time, but most of the time.  I'd be more inclined to tell her ... "Don't you let them push you aside or intimidate you!  Get out there and try harder!"

But sometimes sympathy/empathy is the better quality and response.

They're both infinitely good to have and to practice.  I guess the trick is in knowing when to use which ... and in what measure.

I absolutely agree with this. And I think it should be done in a way that doesn't include words like stupid or the various versions of fail. I often see a parent trying to be encouraging to their child, but their means of doing so are still relatively toxic because they're methods inadvertently (sometimes directly) call the kid stupid or a failure.

OFFLINE

Possibly the girl was injured or ill (?) ... it's hard to say when viewing a situation from afar.  I know I certainly am a people watcher as well and always love to speculate a situation and figure out what is going on when I see people.

Growing up my parents were incredibly strict on me and were very harsh disciplinarians.  I Love You was not a common phrase said in my home (although I knew they did).  I, too, was in sports and extra-curricular activities where the coach's and teachers at times were incredibly brutal with their criticism.  I had two choices going through this growing up ... 1) Was to continue on and take it or 2) Quit.  I stayed with my activities and everything I went through was character building and made me a tougher person for it.  I am able to handle certain situation's in life now that have been thrown my way because of it.

I've also known children that have the cushiest of lives where their parents were always *giving* ... shielded them from everything.  These people in today's society I have observed can not cope. Typically it's *everyone elses fault*.

It's hard to say what is going on in a family, when we observe parents with their children.  What might appear to be a less than loving moment may have been something that happened beforehand.  It doesn't make it right, but parents are human beings and patience grows very thin at times even with the most loving one.

OFFLINE

dude, i have muscular dystrophy, and i had to sit a lot of activities out. now don't get me wrong, if we had to run a mile, i would have to walk it, but there were a lot of other sports activities that i couldn't do. anyway, it was far from child abuse, and IMO no different than a kid sitting for not "dressing out," as they would say. no biggie. kids are a lot tougher than people give them credit for. they're "fragile little emotions" won't get crushed.

OFFLINE

I teach in a high school so I think I can speak with some level of experience and expertise. I don't believe generalizing about kids (or anyone for that matter) is a great idea. Sometimes, some kids are not that tough and their emotions are crushed . I think they need to learn to be strong and stand up because the world is not going to coddle them, but we, as responsible adults, need to pay close attention to those kids who are too fragile (trust me, they are out there) and help them to learn the skills they will need in the "real" world. I don't, however, think a child sitting out during a P.E. activity is cause for concern since there are so many reasons as to why that might be AND there are a LOT of kids who would just rather not participate in P.E. so they always come up with a reason as to why it's not possible.