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FORGIVENESS: Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself! If we have experienced abuse of any sort, any "hits to the heart or core of ourselves" whether from the distant or more recent past, we must take a walk, on the forgiveness path. The main block to healing any dis-ease, whether in our Emotional, Physical or Spiritual bodies, lies in forgiveness. Abuse from another person or even from ourselves, constitutes a "hit to the heart."
The healing and release of that negative adrenaline, and block to our happiness, lies in forgiveness. You might be thinking by now, “What? And leave them off the hook?”
It is important to remember that you are not in charge of judgment and punishment, there is a Higher Power in charge of that. Many of us grew up hearing "forgive and forget," those you heard it from had it half right, yes, we must forgive, there is no other way; however, we must acknowledge that we do NOT forget! For our own peace of mind, so that we don't have to feel guilty because we just can't seem to forget or every time we remember something that hurt us, often we think, “ Gee, I thought I forgave that.” If you feel no pain when you remember something, then you have forgiven it; if you feel anger or pain, then more forgiveness work is necessary.
Our subconscious processes the info, the good, the bad, and the ugly, on an indiscriminate basis; to will ourselves to forget means that we might forget the good too. A test of that would be to take a mental walk, during the roughest times of your life and look for the good also present, can you remember it? Our subconscious mind does not fail to hear us, but does not discriminate what we tell it, so, just tell yourself to forgive from now on.
Once we have forgiven something, the memory or flashback will carry less and less pain; after a while, there simply is no pain as you view that scene of your life. It is like watching an old familiar movie. Forgiveness is a process, it rarely happens after we have said “I forgive you,” it has to be worked on. Memories will come up for review, remind yourself that you choose to forgive that.
To walk a path of joy in this life, in this moment in time, is to choose not to carry bitterness, anger, guilt, pain, or sorrow, in our emotional backpacks. All of the mentioned negatives, or any ONE of them by itself, promotes "distorted thinking." Distorted thinking blocks love and light.
*We* are the only doctor that can cure our negative or distorted thinking; we are the only ones who can stop playing the negative tapes ingrained in our subconscious. Just like the surgeons have surgical tools, dentists use dental tools, human beings have a forgiveness tool.
Walking the forgiveness path isn't easy at first! But with practice, you skip from one step to the next and can move right along in love. Yes, there was pain. We ALL have had at least some pain in life, overcoming that pain is also a big part of the overall lesson. We come into life to face and learn lessons. Life is a classroom for the soul.
I have a short Forgiveness Prayer (author unknown) that I learned many years ago, it helps me walk the forgiveness path. It goes like this:
I FULLY AND FREELY FORGIVE YOU,
I LOOSE YOU AND LET YOU GO,
ON YOUR WAY NOW,
TO YOUR HIGHEST GOOD,
AS I GO ON TO MINE.
It is done, It is done, IT IS DONE!
(Metaphysical Law of 3)
and I AM GRATEFUL~
Remember, Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of another or, meant to invalidate your feelings. Forgiveness is about getting free of the pain, turning the judgment and punishment over to a Higher Power. In our forgiveness work, we might feel anger at the other person or situation, that is OKAY; it just means that forgiveness hasn't happened yet. In consistently working on forgiveness, it does happen. You will still have the memory of that person or event, but it will be pain free; like watching an old, familiar movie.
"Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior. Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek that leaves us feeling victimized and martyred. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past" Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., Fire in the Soul.
"Forgiveness cancels the conditions in the mind that are blocking the full flow of love or life energy. Forgiveness is independent of the behavior of others. It is a free personal choice and an act of free will." (Author unknown)
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself; it doesn't mean invite the person to dinner or to hurt you again. If you choose to continue to be with this person, then allow the things that happened to be gone from you by releasing them when a memory or flashback comes, tell yourself "no,"that is over, I will not allow it to continue to hurt us." Invite the Angels in charge of love into your relationship daily (every 4 hrs). Mistakes are made, lessons learned, and a better way can be found to treat each other. When we know better, we do better! We need not be in charge of judgment and punishment, there is a higher power in charge of that. :-)
Charles Fillmore, founder of Unity (also known as Unity School of Christianity), said that: "sitting quietly for 30 minutes a day, forgiving anything and anyone who comes to mind can cure ANY ill known to man or woman.
The final most important thing to know about forgiveness is that, we MUST learn to forgive ourselves as often and as quickly as possible. When we know better, we do better~ There is NO point in beating ourselves up for what we perceive to be our *mistakes*. It's all part of the lessons our soul came here to learn.
What about those of us who attempt to forgive something and are still in relationship with the person who hurt or abused us? Again, understanding that we DO NOT forget, we have to do something with the thoughts when they pop back into our minds. Those of you who are prayerful, might say a prayer. Memorize the forgiveness mantra, it will come in handy, and should be said again immediately as a memory or flashback comes to mind.
Another tool would be to stop right then and there, take a few seconds to write down 5 things you are grateful for. It will IMMEDIATELY change your energy. Forgiveness is a matter of conditioning ourselves, through CONSCIOUS EFFORT, let the memories come (and they will) but taking action to counteract the negatives with a positive tool, allows us to cope as we build the future we desire, without carrying emotional baggage from the past along. See Chapter G – Grounding.
©Patricia Lite Hickman 1996-2011
excerpt from the book "Common Sense For The Soul
available on Amazon. (search the title) |
~Forgiveness~
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