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Am I being too overprotective?
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Am I being too overprotective?
02/15/2011 5:53 pm

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When I was a kid, I walked myself to school, rode my bike all over the neighborhood and walked to the grocery store for my mom. This started as early as 5 years old.  My son is 7. He is always asking if he can go outside and play on his scooter or bike but I don't feel comfortable letting him outside unless I am outside with him. I'm afraid of the cars in the street or some stranger grabbing him. There were no shortage of strange people that talked to me when I was a kid. I ran away scared.

What is everyone's take on this situation. Should I be more lax and let him go outside unwatched?
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02/15/2011 6:03 pm

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Nope ...
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02/15/2011 6:09 pm

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Things are different than they were when we were growing up.  Your son is still very young.  You know your neighborhood and what is safe or not.  You're the mom and you know best.
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02/15/2011 6:20 pm

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I think it's an extremely convoluted and subjective dilemma. Being overly protective of a child:

1) Increases the risks of the child never learning their own unique array of personal defenses and personal boundaries.
2) Increases the risks of unhealthy dependencies.
3) Inhibits or prevents their unique development of self-esteem.
4) Inhibits or prevents their ability to learn general social and peer bonding skills, and later pair bonding skills.
5) Increases the risks of "Gaslighting", or learning to see the world in an alternate reality (similar but not equal to psychosis).
6) Influences chronic trust issues.

I'm sure there's much more to this. Anywho, if you're living in an area that's heavily populated and crime stricken, with heavy traffic, gang infested, etc, then I dunno how NOT to be overly protective. In this case, it seems that moving (might) be favorable, but I can certainly understand that being a very difficult reality. But then none of the above is absolutely certain; God's creation puts each and every one of us on uncertain paths.

But then there are more personal issues that could result in issues with projection, transference, yadda yadda, but that's something that's best worked out with a very good therapist.
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02/15/2011 6:29 pm

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I'd rather be overprotective than sorry.......I wouldn't let my son go out by himself before but I let him where we live now. I know several people around who look out for him too, it's enclosed and security is good. He doesn't like checking in with me every half hour but oh well  
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02/15/2011 6:39 pm

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There is a difference in being protective and hovering in an unhealthy way.   Personally I do not think you can be too protective in this day and age.   Obviously things were different when we were growing up.   I read somewhere years ago that the majority of kids who are molested are boys, we just don't hear about it as much because of the embarrassment factor.  

As a mother, don't EVEN get me started on Shawn's list ...  
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02/15/2011 7:10 pm

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hink a lot depends on your neighborhood and your son. Is the neighborhood safe? If you tell him to stay out of the street, don't talk to stranger, be back on time, etc.... will he do it?

My granddaughtern will be 8 in May. I got her a bike and a watch for Christmas. My daughter lets her ride to the park and her friends house.

They live in a small town with little crime. No major streets. The park is a couple of blocks away.

Would my daughter give her this freedom in L.A.? Hell no!

Do what's comfortable for you!
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02/15/2011 8:03 pm

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My neighborhood is actually a nice, quiet, crime free neighborhood with teachers, highway patrol officers and the like living on the street over from me. It's actually quite country where I live. I found a bull wandering around my own back yard one afternoon! I know Xander has to learn, like I did, how to recognize and take protective measures for himself (stranger danger), but then I think of instances like Adam Walsh who was kidnapped and beheaded when he was only a few feet away from his mother in a Sears department store playing or watching video games.  

I'm going to be quite honest and open in this forum because several of you are already friends and I trust I will only get acceptance and not judgment. I, myself was molested by my drunkard neighbor when I was only five and this probably adds to my fear and protectiveness of my son.
I've also been approached by strange men trying to call me over to their car when I was a teenager walking home from school and though it would be wise to teach my son how to handle these types of situations and keep away from these types of people, I can't help but feel better just keeping him away from those situations entirely and keep an eagle eye on him.  
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02/15/2011 8:57 pm

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But he's only 7. It's not overprotective to disallow a child that young to be off on his own. It's simply responsible parenting.
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02/16/2011 4:38 am

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hmm...tough one. put it this way. my niece is 7, and i won't let her outside alone.
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02/18/2011 2:33 pm

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IMO 7 is too young in any Neighborhood to be left alone.  At that age I would go with my children  on long walks/ rides/ skates  in our neighbor, the park,or  while camping.  Together we explored, and I would point things out, they would ask questions, we got to practice that crossing the street thing together and other safety matters over and over ect ect.   Even though my children are adults we still enjoy hiking, riding, walking, skating and exploring together.  Finding things you enjoy together establishes habits, traditions and bonds that will help you through the more difficult teenage years.  Children need protection and guildance, thats a parents job.  
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02/18/2011 2:43 pm

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No you are not being to overprotective.
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