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Can a person truly/fully love somebody when the person has had a long term emotional commitment to a fabricated fantasy personality?

I watched an episode of Ally McBeal last night where a man wanted to divorce his wife for feeling betrayed after learning about her having a very strong emotional attachment and commitment to a fictitious personality she made up in her mind, and even spent several years writing love letters to this fantasy personality.

How do you feel about this? And, do lots of people actually create these fantasy personalities they more or less fall in love with while still seeking our or being in actual relationships?

In my mind, the idea of a fantasy personality implies a degree of perfection that another actual human being simply couldn’t live up to, and I feel that a person’s emotional attachment to that fantasy would impede their ability to develop and nurture emotional, psychological, and spiritual connections to their real human partner. This doesn’t appeal to me personally.

But on the other hand, if two people had these fantasies and were forthcoming about it with each other, who knows, maybe it’d make for an interested foundation in compatibility?

Thoughts?

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My thoughts?  I'm surprised you're putting this much reflection in something you saw on "Ally McBeal"....

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... Nina, I thought the same thing.

Sorry, Shawn ... who are they truly/fully loving ?   Their significant other or their make believe lover ?  I'm confused.

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Originally Posted by Teri Lacy:
... Nina, I thought the same thing.

Sorry, Shawn ... who are they truly/fully loving ?   Their significant other or their make believe lover ?  I'm confused.

Both. But the real-life partner in the story didn't wish to compete with a fantasy personality.

I wonder how pervasive this is in a different fashion though. It's a bit of a recycled topic, but questioning whether or not it's emotional infidelity when a person fantasizes about another person while they're having sex with their actual partner.

(Remember the joke that talks about a man and woman going to bed to have sex and after a few moments he rolls over in a bit of disinterest, and she response, what's the matter, you couldn't think of anybody either?)

Anywho, if that 'other person' is a media image, then it's likely an image largely fantasy (we typically don't know these media personalities personally). But if such a person fantasizes about them during sex, then where else does this fantasy show up in the person's daily life? But as far as emotional attachments go, I can see a person being more emotionally involved and committed to a fantasy personality than their actual real-life partner. But it's not really a psychosis though because, interestingly enough, they're well aware that the fantasy isn't real.

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Space Man


the darkest of hours
forming the myth of man
in mud she draws his outline
crafting reality she now believes
wants, needs, desires… prerequisites
grafted from her beating heart [his pulse]
melts band of gold, platinum heart complete
forged from molten emotion, arms of steel
burning fire she started, now stares back
demons eyes [lies] seeing your truths
flames surround you with his hands
igniting souls deepest passions
words heard in the wind
your flights obsession
(my)space man




June 16, 2009 - SuchAsimpLman

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There's nothing wrong with a little fantasy as long as it doesn't adversely affect the relationship.  It could even be used in role play to spice things up.  "I'll be Ally McBeal and you be Indiana Jones"  

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Originally Posted by Tiramisu Sue:
There's nothing wrong with a little fantasy as long as it doesn't adversely affect the relationship.  It could even be used in role play to spice things up.  "I'll be Ally McBeal and you be Indiana Jones"  

Awwwwww, I was hoping to be John Cage  

Pah'kiii, Pah'kiii, Pah'kiii, Pah'kiii, PahKIPSEE!

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Six! No, wait. Four!