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What's on your mind? This forum is a place for you to ask your personal growth questions, and I will send you a message when a response is posted ♥
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Hi! I home school and every day I have to do homework. I don't like homework! What can I do about this??

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Hi Cedar, welcome to the "Ask Jaspen" Personal Growth Forum, and thank you for submitting the very first question!

Okay, well, I hear that you have to do homework every day, and it probably feels like a big burden for you.  I bet you'd rather be out playing, or doing something else - ANYTHING else - that you like.  This is very understandable, and a lot of people feel this way, not only kids!  A lot of times, adults, too, wish they didn't have to do their work.  In any case, what does one do when one is committed to doing something that they really don't want to?  This is a GREAT question, Cedar!

I suppose there are two steps to coming to terms with this issue.  The first is to take some time to get really clear about why you are doing something you don't like.  In your case, the first reason that comes to mind might be something like "because my mom tells me I have to". Right?  Well, this is true - you're doing it because unfortunately, being a youngster, part of your time is set up by your parents. But take a deeper look at it for a moment:

Your folks, and most parents, want their children to do well in school. Why? To torture them? It might feel like that sometimes, but really, in your heart, do you truly think that's why? If we're looking at this honestly you might agree that parents want their children to do well in school because learning  the content that is taught, and participating in the school's other activities sets up one's entire life's opportunities. Basically, it's as if you're creating the map that you will be following for the rest of your life.
So, for example, let's say that in school, you found it easy to do one subject and not another. Thus, you were willing to put more energy and effort into the subject that you liked. What that does is that creates more and more chances for you to participate in that subject, because now that you've put your time and energy into it, you've gained important skills in that area, and you've gained MORE skills than another student who might not be willing to exert himself in that subject.  So, if we look down the line, when it's time for you to go to college or get a job that you like, or even join a club, team, or project that uses the skills you learned in that class, you're going to want to be really skilled and confident in that particular subject.  Who is the college or employer or project manager going to enroll? The kid that didn't put energy into and thus didn't gain that much skill in that area? Noooooooo.  They'll hire YOU! Because you put yourself into studying that thing for years and years - all the years that you were in both elementary school, high school, and beyond, and because of that, you have that much more skill than the other applicant.

On the other hand, let's say that you really hated another subject, and you absolutely would not put very much energy or effort into it at all. What that does is that when one day you see a great job, group, or project to join that happens to use the skills & material of that particular subject, you won't have what it takes to join. You'll be left out. And let me tell you, that feels really, really bad. Don't get me wrong. You can always learn new things.  But the way that schools are set up - even home schooling - is so that you learn the most basic things now so that it’s easier to expand on them later. Even though it seems like a big pain, it's actually less complicated to study now while a good part of your time can be set aside just to do schoolwork, rather than later when you have to do other things too.

This is what I mean by "You are creating a map of your life".  The more subjects you study with your whole heart, the more time you put into learning every subject, the more - and the better - choices you are creating for yourself.  If you only put time and energy into a few easy things, the roads on your map will be few, and narrow; and, the obstacles to the treasures will be many.

So in a word, the short first part of the answer to the question, "why do I have to do something I don't want to do" (like homework), is "Sacrifice".  For now, you're sacrificing your time and your energy in order to make a really good life for yourself.  Really, it's that simple.

But there's a second part to the answer to your question:
Along with being willing to make the sacrifice needed to do your best, ideally, there should be some “reward”, a relatively immediate reward, too.  What I mean is that when you’re finished with your work for the day, it might be helpful to work with your parents to set up some time for you to do some things that you really like. Things just for you.  Your choice. This is “Your Time”.  Or, perhaps there could be some activity that the whole family does together that YOU decide on. If you don’t have either of these already, see if you can talk to your parents in order to arrange this.  Time and activities that YOU get to choose can be set up for the end of the day, at the end of the week, and also at the end of the school year.  The main thing is that because you do put in your energy and effort every day, you deserve to be amply recognized for your earnest cooperation.  So There.

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Hi Jaspen, I guess I've established myself as the brave one among your group. After Cedar, of course.    

Okay - It seems to me the older I get, I'm noticing that more people around me have a huge sense of entitlement.  Like they live inside a vacuum where only they reside.  I think I've done a pretty good job rearing my children to be aware of others and their needs, but sometimes it just doesn't seem fair.  (Mostly when I'm tired and cranky.    ).    Case in point, on this wonderful Spring day, I have my bedroom window open and my next door neighbor feels the need to blast his music in his backyard, which is right under my window.  Mind you, this is only one example. I see it all the time... on the road, in the stores, even at work.  I think it's more prevalent than ever.  My question: What is wrong with people, and how to cope?

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Welcome, Loren!  And thank you for being so brave to post your question!

To start, I’m hearing your question as “What’s wrong with people….how come they are sometimes so inconsiderate”.

Well, as you may or may not know about me, my orientation may be somewhat different than other practitioners whom you might have come across.  The way I see this, especially in the context of your noticing other peoples “sense of entitlement” more as you get older, is that you are being called to attend to your external, and internal,  environment more immediately, and acutely, than you probably have been before.

A lot of times when things bug us at some point when they haven’t before, it means that we are now  needing to care for that part of our lives – that set of needs – when it wasn’t a primary element for our growth before.  But now it is.

For example, some time back you may have barely even noticed your neighbors music playing so loud.  Or if you did, it really didn’t matter so much.  But now, you do notice it, along with that sloppy driver on the road, and the “inappropriate” co-worker.  As I see it, you are being called to attend to these things on an individual basis, in order to A) Influence your world to grow into a way that is more pleasing, and probably more healthy for all concerned; and B) To practice getting in touch with your needs, acknowledging that they are valid,  expressing them with compassion and grace, and finding a way to nurture them.  

A typical response, say, to that noisy neighbor might be “Hey there, Neighbor Jim, I was just reading my book (or meditating, or napping, or whatever you were doing at the time) when I heard your music outside my window.  Sometimes I like to turn up the volume too, but today I’m feeling like I need to take things kind of slow.  Say, I really want us both to help each other out, would you be willing to turn your music down for the next hour or so? I’d be happy to reciprocate with anything you might need at some time.”   Something like that.  The idea is that you are practicing acknowledging and expressing your feelings and needs.  Sometimes this is hard, and often we feel quite vulnerable acting on this.  There is a saying that goes something like, “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes”.  Regardless of whether the other party is willing to respond, often times you responding to, and engaging with, your own needs sets in motion a karmic dynamic in which the world naturally becomes more accommodating.  

In any case, yes, we CAN look at our experience primarily in terms of what other people are doing and the degree that it either pleases or annoys us.  And sometimes people are just plain rude.  But letting these things take up real-estate in our ultimate sense of well-being  probably isn’t the most encouraging pattern for our own growth.  Will it really help?  Taking situations like those you describe and seeing how we can relate to them in terms of “here is a chance to practice responding from my higher Self” will ultimately bring our world into a more centered & peaceful place.  That’s my two cents. Keep the Change.

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A lot of times when things bug us at some point when they haven’t before, it means that we are now needing to care for that part of our lives – that set of needs – when it wasn’t a primary element for our growth before. But now it is.   

That is exactly true.  When I was 30 the music wouldn't have bothered me.  Now, I like/need to be able to think and ponder and be with my own thoughts.  I get distracted with the music many times my mind starts going in the "who does he think he is!  direction. And that makes the whole thing worse.  (Ego, I know!)